I love autumn. I mean, who doesn't, but I really do. There's something about the crispness of the air, the mist, the biting chill, the golden light that you just don't get at any other time of year, early in the morning or when the sun's coming down, that makes everything glow against the sky. And everything's dying but man is it beautiful.
Maybe it's that whole Death is a Part of Life mentality that just clicks everything about our place in the world back into it's proper perspective, or just nature being phenomenal, but even though we all moan about cold it is how can you not love it?
Still jobless, curled up on the sofa in my favoruite jumper -it's a kind of ruddy orange knitted thing I found in a charity shop and took the sleeves in on. A proper cold-weather jumper. I'm watching 'Into the Wild', which I've wanted to see/read for a while now. It's not done yet but so far I'm loving it, enjoying the vaguely sad feeling that if I went into the wild like that I'd just die (much as I still want to take a road trip someday), but that there are other people out there too whose skin crawls at the idea of a life rules by work and objects where everyone has everything they want and it's still not enough, they still don't treat each other right. It's something I worry I'll lose once I get a job, once I have money and the temptation is really there.
Looking for work is weird. I can get by on JobSeekers Allowance but I only get that if I'm looking for a job. I'm more concerned about what I'll do once I get one than whether or not I'll find one, how it will change my life, my time, what I do with myself, what I care about, even the way the contents of my wardrobe will change. But in the meantime applying for work and not getting it can be just as bad. It's hard to stay motivated sometimes, harder to keep a routine going (especially given my preference of late nights over early mornings but it's pretty necessary if you want to avoid a serious case of apathy) and to be on time for things. The last 2 weeks in particular I've been late for almost everything, despite having nowhere else to be. You forget what you are capable of when you try, of working hard, of drawing well, of drawing at all in my case.